Unforgiveness is not an option: God is clear that we are to forgive those who sin against us. When we withhold forgiveness as a punishment we are not obeying God and Not trusting in His promise of carrying out vengeance.  In addition, it’s not healthy for us.  I once heard it said that unforgiveness is the poison meant for others that we drink ourselves.  

God does not want you to submit to abuse. One of the places we most commonly see strain or abuse is in the marriage relationship. Husbands and wives submitting to each other is instructed by God for Love, respect, and His glory; not abuse. Talk with this person when they are calm and set boundaries.  Work on finding help together.  If this is not possible, seek out a Christian counselor who is trained to walk you through these trials in truth and love. 

Forgiveness is not trust. Forgiveness is for the sins that have happened to you.  Trust is the future expectation based on past performance.  You can forgive someone and not trust them.  This also may mean you need to put distance between you and that person until the sins are being dealt with and you can trust you will be safe.  It takes time for trust to develop and its best to have another person/counselor involved that can help make that assessment.  Too many times emotions can cloud judgement. Having a third party will help ensure things are being seen truly as they are. 

Reflection

Unforgiveness and abuse is more common than most would believe.  It’s not God’s design.

Who have you not forgiven?  Remember forgiving someone doesn’t meant you have to trust them. 

Are you or someone you know in a verbally/physically abusive relationship?   Take these points to heart and help them get help.  Search Christian counselors in their area and pass along the numbers.  Offer to walk with them through this journey.  

Prayer

Father we pray for all those that feel trapped.  Your Son has set us free to walk in freedom.  Equip us to reach those in need and help them to get help and walk in that freedom! We pray that chains would be broken and all would see how You love them and how You have designed them to walk in the good works You prepared in advance for them to walk in.  May Your glory reign forever in the hearts of all in Jesus, Amen!

Thankfully, God had different plans in mind.  He had already brought me into a relationship with Him, but backsliding had begun do to a lack of God’s vision for my life.  I let the world’s system guide my steps instead of the LORD.  In the midst of that I kept serving Him in volunteer ministry and He faithfully and patiently continued to reveal who He is. 

Through the great joys and tragedies of this life, He has always been there educating me and showing me that true riches are His grace and mercy! I have not arrived but I’m definitely pressing on deep into His love every day.  My goals and pursuits have changed from storing on earth to building up treasure for my LORD in heaven.  What great joy it is to know the LORD and His salvation!!!

Reflection

What does your heart treasure most?

What riches are you pursuing…The world’s or God’s?

Do you have a grasp on the depth of blessing you have in salvation?
Prayer

Gracious God, you have given us more treasure in Christ than our hearts can hold. His beautiful work at the cross has set us free from the bounds of sin and death forever!  Your sacrificial love is to big to comprehend with our minds.  May our lives be a living sacrifice to You and a blessed thank you for all You have done! In Jesus’ name, Amen!

I’ve been sucked into victim status on more than one occasion by this narcissistic process.  As I have shared in the past, I was performance driven for years; which in some ways makes me more of a target.   Abusers love performers.   They quickly friend them by giving them the approval they desire and the process of control begins.  Threads of guilt work their way into the conversation and hurt repeatedly gets blamed on the performer.  Over time, this process takes its toll and devalues the performers and binds  them in lies.  At the root of this dynamic, I found that I was seeking the approval of men rather than God. 

So what do you do if you’re trapped in a toxic relationship like that?

Read 2 Timothy 3:1-9

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3:1-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Yes we are sharing the planet with these individuals! When reading this passage we often think of the extreme criminal locked behind bars, but these folks may be with us at home, work, and in the church.  They are those who are quick to bruise us but unwilling to repent. 

STEP 1 – Surround Yourself With A Support Network Sincerely Seeking The Truth – When removing something negative always replace and do not just abandon. Human tendency is to grieve loss, that includes even toxic relationships. We must make no provision for the temptation to return to the old relationship to try to comfort the loss. Invest in the healthy relationships you have or find new ones.  No doubt there may be trust issues (experience talking) caused by the toxic relationship damage, but it’s imperative that you establish a support network to be there through this!  

STEP 2 –  Get Some Distance – Give yourself some space from that relationship.  While it’s been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, it can also give you perspective on reality.  Sometimes this step seems impossible because of fear of the backlash.  This is where you need to get help from your support network to break free.    

STEP 3 – Infuse Truth –  Part of escaping toxic relationships is seeing the lies for what they really are.  Knowing truth is the key in doing that. Passages like these give no wiggle room and do not condone abuse.  Dig deep in God’s word daily to regain an understanding of who you are, why you are valuable, and the mission you are on. 

STEP 4 – Know You Will Never Change Them – God has the power to do anything and yet He has been referred to as a gentlemen because He comes into the heart where He is invited.  An unrepentant heart has no desire to change.  You could bend over backwards, offer all the grace you have, and the hardened heart will still not see, own, or repent.  Being a Christian does not mean others have a right to abuse you. 
STEP 5 – Seek Out A Qualified Biblical Counselor – Find someone who has Biblical knowledge and experience dealing with these situations to help you walk through healing. It’s beneficial to have someone who can help you take an honest look at your situation at all stages of the process.  Good discernment here is a must.  Find someone who is both trustworthy and wise; who can speak the truth in love and encourage.  They do exist and are worth finding!

STEP 6 – Realize That Forgiveness And Reconciliation Are Not The Same – It is possible for you to forgive someone and yet not reconcile with them.  When a heart is unrepentant, you may chose to forgive but reconciliation simply is not possible.  Pretending there is reconciliation, or assuming forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing can lead to further abuse. In fact, verse 5 says “have nothing to do with such people”  Over time their lack of repentance becomes obvious to all involved.  Most of the time it already was obvious. Everyone was just too afraid to deal with it. We all love happy endings. Sometimes the happy ending does not include reconciliation.  

STEP 7 – Seek To Help Those Who Have Been Or Are Victims – I’m a firm believer that God keeps His promises and wastes nothing.  He has the power to take even the most horrific events of life and turn them into a powerful testimony that comforts and demonstrates His love and faithfulness while bring Him glory and honor (2 Corinthians 1, Romans 8:28).  This takes time, but ultimately frees us from the “leftover” damage of these experiences when we see them bringing hope to others. 

Reflection

Identify any toxic relationships you have.  Don’t be content with just leaving them that way. 

If you see toxic relationships in others’ lives, pray for them and seek to be that support network they need. 

Prayer

Father, my heart aches for those in the tough place of toxic and abusive relationships.  I pray that You would empower them in Your Spirit and truth to break free.  Equip Your people to come along side them and support them through this process.  May Your love abound extinguishing the lies of the enemy in Jesus’ name, Amen!

As Christians, we are to, “as much as possible live peaceably with all men.”  This demands that we take an inventory of our words and actions and make changes where necessary.  How can we be reconcilers and ambassadors for Christ, when we are letting our mouths go unstrestrained?

My heart breaks for the arrogant and proud heart that doesn’t consider the hearts of others. For one day it will find itself alone and depressed.   Only God can break a heart like this and lead it to repentance. 

Reflection

In what ways have your words hurt others?

Confess your wrongdoings to those who you have hurt.  Make sure to hit all the parts. 

“I was wrong for…”

“I’m sorry for…”

“Can you please forgive me?”

“I will do my best not to do it again”

Make restitution

Prayer

Father, for with our tongues we bless and curse; it ought not to be this way.  Help us to use our words to build up your people and encourage them.  Humble us and teach us to own our mistakes.  Let us seek to make peace in word and deed, in the name of Christ, Amen!

The truth is that the world is in a constant state of change. As a matter fact it’s the summation of each person’s individual change that’s going on Right now!

Have you ever stopped to think about what the world would be like if we executed on these two verses to change it?  What if we were diligent about intentionally putting away the bad and embracing the good.  What if we lived life by design instead of just living life by default? You would be a world-changer!

Personal Reflection

The Christian life is an intentional life. The questions of the day are:

1) Are you being intentional with yours?

2) Have you structured your life built on Christ? Or are you trying to fit Him in?

Prayer Focus

Father, our source of strength and truth, let us not live life by default but let us design it according to Your word.  Help us by Your Spirit to carry out this passage that the world may be changed forever and know You.  We pray this in Jesus’, Name, Amen!

#worldchange #truthtalk4life

@brianfriedl

It’s been a heavy soul work week. I’ve been struggling to forgive someone for quite some time and His Word was disciplining me.  I don’t even know if this person knew I was struggling with forgiving him.  I had tucked it down deep and hid it even from myself in a lot of ways.  As It rose to the surface, I thought to myself the discipline from God’s Word has been blessing me for close to 28 yrs now.  Yes I said blessing. For we know that God disciplines who He loves and that truly is a blessing.  

As our Heavenly Father, He continues to patiently, lovingly, and sometimes firmly remind us where we are out of step with Him. I’m so thankful for His corrective hand that draws me closer to Him and conforms me to the image of Christ, and teaches me how to live in the body of Christ. 

Personal Reflection 

Are you welcoming God’s discipline through His word?  Even if it is from someone you don’t get along with?  God’s word is truth regardless of who is sharing it.  Ask God to open your eyes to see where you are out of step and need correction and then receive that correction joyfully. 

Prayer Focus

Father, we praise you that you know everything about us, and you still love and patiently convict us by your Truth.  We confess that we get out of step with you.  We praise you that the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.  Thank you for granting forgiveness and helping us to forgive.  Lead us into obedience in Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Recently my two boys were wrestling on the trampoline. It got a little rough; one of them ended up getting thrown off and bumped his head.  This moved him to a place of vengeance coming after his brother. Took about 20 to 25 minutes to disarm and settle down. Had I not intervened, more damage most likely would have been done.

When it comes to the family of God, the same thing can happen, even as adults.  People can sometimes get a little rough and end up hurting one another.  Despite this reality, the church body is critical and part of God’s plan of redemption and our growth (See Ephesians 4).

If you’ve had an injury from the church as I have had, you may be tempted to take out your vengeance.  I urge you instead of repaying evil for evil, do good to your brothers and sisters.  For perhaps God is teaching you the truth that vengeance is His. For when we repay with evil we simply do more damage. We do not restore anything, God desires restoration and wants us to desire it also.  The verse above is sandwiched between appreciating those who lead and that familiar passage of rejoicing and praying without ceasing.

Personal Reflection

No doubt that following the Lord’s instruction takes rejoicing and prayer.  You see when we are hurt we usually shift our focus to ourselves and thereby skewing our perspective.  We stop rejoicing, start complaining and devise plans of revenge or watch and wait for whoever wronged us to fail.  Sometimes, we even invite others to take our side and are used as Satan’s instrument to divide the family of God. Put an end to the evil by desiring restoration, rejoice in all that the LORD has done for you, and pray without ceasing that your focus would be there.  You will not heal if you are clinging to your hurt like a security blanket and hurt never comforts. God does!

Prayer Focus

LORD help us to let go of the chains of hurt that bind us and corrupt our desires.  May we find forgiveness and release at the cross. Draw our eyes to you and all of what you have done for us.  Let our lips overflow with your praises! May we desire restoration, rejoice, and pray without ceasing; In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

@brianfriedl

#forgiveness #novengeance #truthtalk4life

As in all things the Lord had promised His presence yet again.  He will not leave nor forsake us. Instead He is with us to the end of the age, even in the most challenging of times.  Note that we must be gathered in His Name.   What unifies us and is the prerequisite of the Lord’s presence?  Unity in His Name. Despite disagreement, the joint connection in His Name overcomes any obstacle and His presence leads us in love, grace, and restoration. 

Personal Reflection

Have you been avoiding conflict with a brother or sister in Christ?   Perhaps it’s time to gather in unity in the name of Christ and seek restoration.  Though these discussions can be challenging they can also be amazing experiences of God’s presence.  If anyone has wronged you seek them out to destroy the wedge between you.  If you have wronged someone, seek them out, own your sin and ask for forgiveness.   Pray together of one accord in the name of Jesus and see His power of restoration unleashed. 

Prayer Focus

Almighty Father in heaven, help us to have the courage to make straight what is crooked. In your name let us gather to resolve anything that stands in the way of your mission.  Thank you that you never leave nor forsake us but instead, you humble and leads us in the path of unity  and restoration.  Let us rejoice together in your presence, in that unity, and in prayer through the power of Jesus’ Name , Amen!
@brianfriedl

#twoormore #inhisname #powerfulpresence