Unforgiveness is not an option: God is clear that we are to forgive those who sin against us. When we withhold forgiveness as a punishment we are not obeying God and Not trusting in His promise of carrying out vengeance.  In addition, it’s not healthy for us.  I once heard it said that unforgiveness is the poison meant for others that we drink ourselves.  

God does not want you to submit to abuse. One of the places we most commonly see strain or abuse is in the marriage relationship. Husbands and wives submitting to each other is instructed by God for Love, respect, and His glory; not abuse. Talk with this person when they are calm and set boundaries.  Work on finding help together.  If this is not possible, seek out a Christian counselor who is trained to walk you through these trials in truth and love. 

Forgiveness is not trust. Forgiveness is for the sins that have happened to you.  Trust is the future expectation based on past performance.  You can forgive someone and not trust them.  This also may mean you need to put distance between you and that person until the sins are being dealt with and you can trust you will be safe.  It takes time for trust to develop and its best to have another person/counselor involved that can help make that assessment.  Too many times emotions can cloud judgement. Having a third party will help ensure things are being seen truly as they are. 

Reflection

Unforgiveness and abuse is more common than most would believe.  It’s not God’s design.

Who have you not forgiven?  Remember forgiving someone doesn’t meant you have to trust them. 

Are you or someone you know in a verbally/physically abusive relationship?   Take these points to heart and help them get help.  Search Christian counselors in their area and pass along the numbers.  Offer to walk with them through this journey.  

Prayer

Father we pray for all those that feel trapped.  Your Son has set us free to walk in freedom.  Equip us to reach those in need and help them to get help and walk in that freedom! We pray that chains would be broken and all would see how You love them and how You have designed them to walk in the good works You prepared in advance for them to walk in.  May Your glory reign forever in the hearts of all in Jesus, Amen!

Thankfully, God had different plans in mind.  He had already brought me into a relationship with Him, but backsliding had begun do to a lack of God’s vision for my life.  I let the world’s system guide my steps instead of the LORD.  In the midst of that I kept serving Him in volunteer ministry and He faithfully and patiently continued to reveal who He is. 

Through the great joys and tragedies of this life, He has always been there educating me and showing me that true riches are His grace and mercy! I have not arrived but I’m definitely pressing on deep into His love every day.  My goals and pursuits have changed from storing on earth to building up treasure for my LORD in heaven.  What great joy it is to know the LORD and His salvation!!!

Reflection

What does your heart treasure most?

What riches are you pursuing…The world’s or God’s?

Do you have a grasp on the depth of blessing you have in salvation?
Prayer

Gracious God, you have given us more treasure in Christ than our hearts can hold. His beautiful work at the cross has set us free from the bounds of sin and death forever!  Your sacrificial love is to big to comprehend with our minds.  May our lives be a living sacrifice to You and a blessed thank you for all You have done! In Jesus’ name, Amen!

I’ve been sucked into victim status on more than one occasion by this narcissistic process.  As I have shared in the past, I was performance driven for years; which in some ways makes me more of a target.   Abusers love performers.   They quickly friend them by giving them the approval they desire and the process of control begins.  Threads of guilt work their way into the conversation and hurt repeatedly gets blamed on the performer.  Over time, this process takes its toll and devalues the performers and binds  them in lies.  At the root of this dynamic, I found that I was seeking the approval of men rather than God. 

So what do you do if you’re trapped in a toxic relationship like that?

Read 2 Timothy 3:1-9

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3:1-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Yes we are sharing the planet with these individuals! When reading this passage we often think of the extreme criminal locked behind bars, but these folks may be with us at home, work, and in the church.  They are those who are quick to bruise us but unwilling to repent. 

STEP 1 – Surround Yourself With A Support Network Sincerely Seeking The Truth – When removing something negative always replace and do not just abandon. Human tendency is to grieve loss, that includes even toxic relationships. We must make no provision for the temptation to return to the old relationship to try to comfort the loss. Invest in the healthy relationships you have or find new ones.  No doubt there may be trust issues (experience talking) caused by the toxic relationship damage, but it’s imperative that you establish a support network to be there through this!  

STEP 2 –  Get Some Distance – Give yourself some space from that relationship.  While it’s been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, it can also give you perspective on reality.  Sometimes this step seems impossible because of fear of the backlash.  This is where you need to get help from your support network to break free.    

STEP 3 – Infuse Truth –  Part of escaping toxic relationships is seeing the lies for what they really are.  Knowing truth is the key in doing that. Passages like these give no wiggle room and do not condone abuse.  Dig deep in God’s word daily to regain an understanding of who you are, why you are valuable, and the mission you are on. 

STEP 4 – Know You Will Never Change Them – God has the power to do anything and yet He has been referred to as a gentlemen because He comes into the heart where He is invited.  An unrepentant heart has no desire to change.  You could bend over backwards, offer all the grace you have, and the hardened heart will still not see, own, or repent.  Being a Christian does not mean others have a right to abuse you. 
STEP 5 – Seek Out A Qualified Biblical Counselor – Find someone who has Biblical knowledge and experience dealing with these situations to help you walk through healing. It’s beneficial to have someone who can help you take an honest look at your situation at all stages of the process.  Good discernment here is a must.  Find someone who is both trustworthy and wise; who can speak the truth in love and encourage.  They do exist and are worth finding!

STEP 6 – Realize That Forgiveness And Reconciliation Are Not The Same – It is possible for you to forgive someone and yet not reconcile with them.  When a heart is unrepentant, you may chose to forgive but reconciliation simply is not possible.  Pretending there is reconciliation, or assuming forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing can lead to further abuse. In fact, verse 5 says “have nothing to do with such people”  Over time their lack of repentance becomes obvious to all involved.  Most of the time it already was obvious. Everyone was just too afraid to deal with it. We all love happy endings. Sometimes the happy ending does not include reconciliation.  

STEP 7 – Seek To Help Those Who Have Been Or Are Victims – I’m a firm believer that God keeps His promises and wastes nothing.  He has the power to take even the most horrific events of life and turn them into a powerful testimony that comforts and demonstrates His love and faithfulness while bring Him glory and honor (2 Corinthians 1, Romans 8:28).  This takes time, but ultimately frees us from the “leftover” damage of these experiences when we see them bringing hope to others. 

Reflection

Identify any toxic relationships you have.  Don’t be content with just leaving them that way. 

If you see toxic relationships in others’ lives, pray for them and seek to be that support network they need. 

Prayer

Father, my heart aches for those in the tough place of toxic and abusive relationships.  I pray that You would empower them in Your Spirit and truth to break free.  Equip Your people to come along side them and support them through this process.  May Your love abound extinguishing the lies of the enemy in Jesus’ name, Amen!

As Christians, we are to, “as much as possible live peaceably with all men.”  This demands that we take an inventory of our words and actions and make changes where necessary.  How can we be reconcilers and ambassadors for Christ, when we are letting our mouths go unstrestrained?

My heart breaks for the arrogant and proud heart that doesn’t consider the hearts of others. For one day it will find itself alone and depressed.   Only God can break a heart like this and lead it to repentance. 

Reflection

In what ways have your words hurt others?

Confess your wrongdoings to those who you have hurt.  Make sure to hit all the parts. 

“I was wrong for…”

“I’m sorry for…”

“Can you please forgive me?”

“I will do my best not to do it again”

Make restitution

Prayer

Father, for with our tongues we bless and curse; it ought not to be this way.  Help us to use our words to build up your people and encourage them.  Humble us and teach us to own our mistakes.  Let us seek to make peace in word and deed, in the name of Christ, Amen!

The ultimate plot twist of all time certainly has to be our powerful Savior, Jesus incarnate; making His way to Earth as a humble babe born in a manger.  The King of the world in a stable?  Who could have predicted?  His mission as King, should be to rule the world, right?

The fact of the matter is that God’s plan for His son, was the perfect way to satisfy the law, stone for our sin, and reestablish our relationship with Him that He may dwell with us forever.  With Christ as our righteousness, the Holy Spirit can dwell within us.  How much closer can we get to our Lord? 

Even the disciples were anxiously expecting an overthrow of government.  Witnessing miracle after miracle only amplified their anticipation of His unleashing of raw power.  As Jesus began to share His plan with them, they did not want to entertain the thought of a cross being the display of His power.  Peter, with emotions high, even attempted to rebuke Jesus as a result.  

While a plot twist can tweak our emotions, I’m certainly thankful for this one.  Our Father in heaven has made a way for all to enter in; not by our merit and works, but by the perfect work of His son.  

Set down the wrapping paper, tape and cookie recipe for a moment today and praise God for His amazing plot twist that changed our fate from an eternity in hell to one with Him at His table as sons and daughters.  Praise Him for His merciful twist!

@brianfriedl

#truhtalk4life

The truth is that the world is in a constant state of change. As a matter fact it’s the summation of each person’s individual change that’s going on Right now!

Have you ever stopped to think about what the world would be like if we executed on these two verses to change it?  What if we were diligent about intentionally putting away the bad and embracing the good.  What if we lived life by design instead of just living life by default? You would be a world-changer!

Personal Reflection

The Christian life is an intentional life. The questions of the day are:

1) Are you being intentional with yours?

2) Have you structured your life built on Christ? Or are you trying to fit Him in?

Prayer Focus

Father, our source of strength and truth, let us not live life by default but let us design it according to Your word.  Help us by Your Spirit to carry out this passage that the world may be changed forever and know You.  We pray this in Jesus’, Name, Amen!

#worldchange #truthtalk4life

@brianfriedl

 I did everything to avoid the confrontation.  I tried to get there early and even left a door open and walked outside around the entire school with no success. 

A couple of years ago I friended one of these bullies on Facebook. My plan was to see how his life turned out.  What I found was that his life was hard.  Rather than celebrating, my heart was led to compassion by the LORD.  I reached out and offered to pray for him. 

He responded with gratitude and commented that he has been reading my blog posts and to keep writing because it encouraged him.   So what did I learn?  Love is what breaks open a hardened heart that it may be set free and be restored.  When we seek revenge we miss and opportunity to love another into the kingdom. 

Personal Reflection

Who is your #1 enemy?  Who causes you more strife and takes you to the edge, or just plain annoys you like crazy?   Have you tried to change them?   How about trying to love them?

 I challenge you to love them for a day.  Take notes, in a journal, their response.  If you survive, love them for a week. Again, journal the results.  Now try a month.  At the end of the month, compare their responses in your journal between day 1 and day 31.  Has their heart broken open yet?  If not repeat this process as many times as necessary.  It’s now your mission!

Prayer Focus

Father, no greater love have we seen than Your love for us through Jesus Christ. May we be filled to overflowing with that love and intentionally spill it on those around us.  Let forgiveness run free in our heart and veins that we may be free to love without limit.  May it bring joy, honor and glory to You in the Name of Jesus, Amen!

It’s been a heavy soul work week. I’ve been struggling to forgive someone for quite some time and His Word was disciplining me.  I don’t even know if this person knew I was struggling with forgiving him.  I had tucked it down deep and hid it even from myself in a lot of ways.  As It rose to the surface, I thought to myself the discipline from God’s Word has been blessing me for close to 28 yrs now.  Yes I said blessing. For we know that God disciplines who He loves and that truly is a blessing.  

As our Heavenly Father, He continues to patiently, lovingly, and sometimes firmly remind us where we are out of step with Him. I’m so thankful for His corrective hand that draws me closer to Him and conforms me to the image of Christ, and teaches me how to live in the body of Christ. 

Personal Reflection 

Are you welcoming God’s discipline through His word?  Even if it is from someone you don’t get along with?  God’s word is truth regardless of who is sharing it.  Ask God to open your eyes to see where you are out of step and need correction and then receive that correction joyfully. 

Prayer Focus

Father, we praise you that you know everything about us, and you still love and patiently convict us by your Truth.  We confess that we get out of step with you.  We praise you that the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighteousness.  Thank you for granting forgiveness and helping us to forgive.  Lead us into obedience in Jesus’ Name, Amen!

With the fulfillment of Jesus’ suffering, death, and resurrection, comes access to our God. We can enter the presence of our King and approach His throne no longer fearing death, but rejoicing in the life He has given. In fact, we have joy for all eternity!

Personal Reflection

Often times we reduce joy to happiness; the two are not the same.  Happiness is produced by a situation that causes a temporary emotion of pleasure.  Joy is a full and undying state of pleasure and gratitude that is available forever. 

Are you experiencing true joy in your relationship with God?  Do you experience His presence? 

No greater act of love and sacrifice has been seen than what took place at the cross.  It is the place where all our sorrows and all our joys meet.  Spend time today in Luke reading his account of the crucifixion and resurrection.  Praise God for the joy He has set before you!

Prayer Focus

Thank you Father for the gift of our salvation in Christ Jesus. For we were helpless before Your provision.  You have given us a full measure of Joy in Him.  Our hearts overflow with gratitude and we will never cease to praise You in His precious Name, Amen!

@brianfriedl

#joyforever #salvation #greatprovision #truthtalk4life

“But God”; two words that interrupt this cycle of sin and provide hope.  But God, in His great faithfulness and mercy, hears us when we see the mess we’ve made and turn back to Him and cry out.  He has made a provision for every stumbling, for every transgression.  For the blood of Jesus has washed every stain you have ever caused to be white as the purest untouched snow in the most beautiful of places.  He has the power to redeem every situation no matter its complexity.

You are declared clean when you put your faith in God’s provision of Jesus and His finished work at the cross.  When God looks at you He sees the righteousness of His Son. You are no longer held captive, but instead are free to live a life in the Lord. Will you stumble again?  Most likely. Don’t waste your time beating yourself up. Acknowledge your weakness, mourn your sin, turn and cry out. For He will hear your cry.

Personal Reflection

By all means learn from your mistakes but remember:  Every moment spent beating yourself up over your bad choices is a moment you miss gazing at our beautiful LORD and sharing Him with others.  Your eyes can only be fixed in one place.  Make sure they are on Him!

When your eyes are focused on Him you will want more of Him.  God speaks of loving Him and keeping His commands in that order.  Commandment keeping flows as a by product of loving Him.  Let the passion of your love grow by leaps and bounds!

Prayer Focus

Precious LORD, we confess to you that have have all stumbled and strayed and made messes in our lives.  Help us to turn from any wickedness that impedes our view of you.  Guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus that our love for you may overflow.  Thank you for hearing our cry, sustain us by your hand of grace that we may do Your will, In Jesus’ Name, Amen!