One of the greatest dangers in strained or abusive relationships is confusing forgiveness and trust.  I’d like to share some clarifying points that may help if you’re in one of those relationships:

Unforgiveness is not an option: God is clear that we are to forgive those who sin against us. When we withhold forgiveness as a punishment we are not obeying God and Not trusting in His promise of carrying out vengeance.  In addition, it’s not healthy for us.  I once heard it said that unforgiveness is the poison meant for others that we drink ourselves.  

God does not want you to submit to abuse. One of the places we most commonly see strain or abuse is in the marriage relationship. Husbands and wives submitting to each other is instructed by God for Love, respect, and His glory; not abuse. Talk with this person when they are calm and set boundaries.  Work on finding help together.  If this is not possible, seek out a Christian counselor who is trained to walk you through these trials in truth and love. 

Forgiveness is not trust. Forgiveness is for the sins that have happened to you.  Trust is the future expectation based on past performance.  You can forgive someone and not trust them.  This also may mean you need to put distance between you and that person until the sins are being dealt with and you can trust you will be safe.  It takes time for trust to develop and its best to have another person/counselor involved that can help make that assessment.  Too many times emotions can cloud judgement. Having a third party will help ensure things are being seen truly as they are. 

Reflection

Unforgiveness and abuse is more common than most would believe.  It’s not God’s design.

Who have you not forgiven?  Remember forgiving someone doesn’t meant you have to trust them. 

Are you or someone you know in a verbally/physically abusive relationship?   Take these points to heart and help them get help.  Search Christian counselors in their area and pass along the numbers.  Offer to walk with them through this journey.  

Prayer

Father we pray for all those that feel trapped.  Your Son has set us free to walk in freedom.  Equip us to reach those in need and help them to get help and walk in that freedom! We pray that chains would be broken and all would see how You love them and how You have designed them to walk in the good works You prepared in advance for them to walk in.  May Your glory reign forever in the hearts of all in Jesus, Amen!